For a person getting tattooed, the tattoo can stand for many things: independence, honor, individuality, creativity or any other various excuses people can make up to get one. While the process of getting a tattoo may be painful, it is well worth it to the individual receiving the sharp end of the tattoo needle thousands of times. To them, the end result makes all the pain they endured worth it.
Needless to say, if you endure a certain amount of senseless pain for a nice piece of artwork destined to stay until it slides off your decaying body or once we take on a more celestial form after the impending rapture, then you probably want to make sure your tattoo artist can effectively answer these 5 questions:
1. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TATTOO?
I know. Obvious right? It might be smart to ask a individual, who is sporting a tattoo you like, where they received their ink-stain. This will lead you to good tattoo artists capable of doing a tattoo correctly.
Walking into a tattoo parlor with no prior knowledge of the quality of the work done by an artist or really no knowledge whatsoever about how a tattoo should look or feel then you might walk away with something like this:
Rubbing ink from a ball-point pen into lettering you just carved into your leg with a machete will create a nice "completely psychotic" look to your new tattoo
Don’t assume that the peaceful looking gentleman with “PUSSY EATER” tattooed where his moustache should be knows how to tattoo just because he has the classiest tattoo you’ve ever seen.
This is a very popular tattoo in Vietnam where they actually eat cats
2. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SPELL?
Just because your tattoo artist has “PUSSY EATER” spelled correctly where his moustache should be doesn’t mean they know how to spell “Carpe Diem”, “In Memory Of”, “Why Now Brown Cow?”, or “Worlds Largest Douche”. Some artists spell like my 7-year-old nephew… wait, no worse.
Guive me a break homey...
C’mon people, get out a dictionary, use a life line, if you can read… CHECK THE ARTISTS WORK BEFORE GETTING IT TATTOOED ON YOUR BODY!!
I'm dieing here...
3. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRAW?
Most tattoo artists are know how to draw pretty intricate pieces of art. Adorning the walls of most tattoo shops are creepy, eccentric painting or drawings they have done of skeletons building sandcastles and demons playing Shoots and Ladders.
There are those artists who have perfected their art after years of being an apprentice for an established tattoist, practicing on preserved pig remains and cleaned the shop bathroom to get a shot in the industry.
Then there are those who can draw a perfect square on an Etch-A-Sketch who get a tattoo gun along with a case of beer on their 19th birthday and do tattoos like this:
It's time to get an exorcism for that tattoo
Holy balls what a frightening thing to wake up to. I would like to think that many people research the artist doing a portrait on their arm but it appears that many people don’t mind having portraits of their loved ones wind up looking like a demon.
Either this is Leatherface's mom or someone just got a really shitty tattoo
4. HAVE YOU STOPPED SNORTING CRACK AND/OR EATING PAINT CHIPS?
There’s not really any good way to ask this question. Rather, look at their former work. If it looks anything like this:
"Hooks Wups... no, wait... Hooys uu Ups... shit. Never mind.
Or this:
What an honor it must be to be immortalized in a shitty tattoo
…then you should run.
5. WILL YOU TELL ME IF MY TATTOO IDEA IS THE DUMBEST PIECE OF CRAP YOU’VE EVER HEARD OF?
Many tattoo artists take the work they do extremely seriously. Much like a painter wants to see his work admired in a gallery, a tattoo artists wants admirers of his handiwork to know he is the talented individual who ravaged your skin for four hours to accomplish such a masterful piece or art… on your body no less.
While others tend to do whatever you want without telling you that you might just regret getting the tattoo at some point in your life.
Case in point:
Hey mom! Look at my tattoo! It's a gigantic penis! Get it!Every time this lady farts... an angel dies of methane poisoning
Those of us with multiple tattoos vindicate our tattoos when people say, “You know… when you’re older you’re going to regret getting that!” by responding, “When I’m old and saggy the least thing I’m going to be worried about it how my tattoos look.”
I can’t vouch for the guy with the giant penis tattooed on his leg though. I’m pretty sure I would regret that at some point.
Or this dude:
No caption needed really
Or this chick:
That whole theory of natural selection is a joke
Or this lady with a rare tattoo that has multiple offenses:
Well... they're all going to stare now genius.
