Tag Archive for food

Sick Competitive Eating Competition Photos

I’ve never understood the allure of competitive eating. Surely you’re not proving anything besides your ability to deep throat hot dogs, or your potential ability to get fat in older age when your metabolism begins failing you.

It’s not even like you can savor the flavors that you’re tasting. You don’t really taste, per se. You just shovel it in your mouth at as fast a rate as you can, and someone comes out the winner, belching their victory speech over a white trash crowd, scattering crumbs, gristle and spittle everywhere.

It’s a pretty serious sport for some people, though.

Luckily, the photographic evidence bursts that balloon of credibility pretty quickly.


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8 Sick Facts About Your Food And Drink

We wouldn’t survive without food and drink, you know. Since caveman days, we’ve always needed something to provide us with sustenance and energy to be able to come home to our wives, initiate sex then fall asleep.

But did you know that the food and drink you’re eating might actually be a little less palatable than you think? We’re not saying that you’d avoid these products, but you might think twice about shoveling them into your mouths so quickly…

8. You Could Be Eating Rice Made of Plastic

Rice has grown scarce recently, driving the price up. Historically, what happens when the price of a foodstuff goes up is that it’s replaced by filler. That’s what’s happened before, and has resulted in arsenic poisoning, us eating feces and a whole bunch of other things. Well guess what? Instead of paying for a bag of rice at the store, you might as well just nab a couple of extra free plastic carrier bags. Some Chinese companies are filling out their rice with plastic – eating three bowls of which is the equivalent of eating a plastic bag.

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Bullshit Crazy Email Lies #1: Cold Water Kills You!

We have interoffice email wars around here at JoeCrazy.

You know – the kind of things you get that say “Mad coincidence! If you don’t forward this to 10 other people your cat will get herpes!”. Things like that.  Occasionally, you get crackpot science in amongst them, too.

Usually they’re sent by Margaret in Judicial. She’s old and likes cats, therefore anything she gets she forwards – no matter how stupid – because she’s afraid that the one email that said “forward this to 10 people or your cat gets herpes” applies to all of them. It drives our IT department mad.

I got one sent by Margaret, and I thought I’d share it with you. It’s written in multicolored Papyrus, like it’s trying extra hard to be a supporting cast member on the off-Broadway version of Joseph and His Technicolor Dreamcoat, which is your first sign of concern.

“Heart attacks and hot water” it reads. “The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.” Maybe!

But only because Chinese tea is really nice (as long as you don’t let the leaves stew and turn bitter), not because of any health benefits. Apparently, if you drink cold water (or any cold drink) right after a meal you will die of a heart attack.

I don’t mean to concern you, but it’s right there. In bold, underlined, 24pt Papyrus. “It will slow down the digestion. Once this ‘sludge’ reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer.”

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The 5 Worst Food Monstrosities

I like it when you get new innovations in food. It shows real initiative and clever thinking. You’d think, given that we’ve been on this earth for several thousand years in one form or another, that we’ve got the whole food thing licked.

But then every so often, something new and original comes up to mess with your brain and make you go wow! I never thought about that before. Sliced bread is one of the major newest inventions, but there have been tons of them in th past.

However, for every good idea, there are a shitton load of other horrible ideas. Sometimes you just can’t improve food, as these guys didn’t learn.

5. Go-Gurt Fizzix

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10 Foods That Are Trying To Kill You!

We don’t mean to alarm here at JoeCrazy, but some of the food you’re eating right now is literally trying to kill you. Think of it less as an attempt to cause widespread panic and more a public service announcement about the things that are eating you from the inside out.

10. Berries

Okay, so we all know that eating those oozing blue things that grow off branches isn’t the best idea, but actual strawberries and stuff from the supermarket?

Yep, they can kill you. Strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, and other berry products have caused 25 outbreaks with more than 3,300 illnesses in the USA since 1990. They carry germs really easily.

9. Sprouts

I don’t know why you’d eat sprouts, but some people are masochists. Salmonella and E-coli love to live on sprouts from their first germinations as seedlings. Therefore sprouts are trying to kill you. Stop eating them. (You’re welcome.)

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6 Of The Worst Cakewrecks Known To Man

Cakes are a pretty fundamental part of any celebration. I’m not sure how the mixture of flour, sugar, butter and eggs became the go-to thing for when you’re marking an occasion, but I’m damn glad they did (even though my waistline isn’t).

They’re difficult things, though. Cakes can go wrong in so many ways. You can make a chocolate cake for someone who absolutely hates chocolate; you can get the recipe wrong and end with a flat, tasteless mass of crumbs. You could mess up the frosting and create something which looks like your toilet the morning after a hard night drinking.

That’s why you should leave it to the professionals.


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33 Celebrities That Ate Too Much!

Have you ever wondered what your favorite celebrities would like like FAT!

Well…You don’t have to wonder any longer.

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4 People Biting Off More Than They Can Chew

There’s a certain bravado around the male of the species and food.

We like to think that we can handle anything people throw at us. I once ate a super-hot curry and cried for a week. It’s been the basis of Adam Richman’s career as he manages to string out that desire to eat stupid shit into a successful TV show, ‘Man V Food’.

In fact, as this picture below demonstrates, before he hit the big time Richman was just another hobo trying to make it through the night beneath the Brooklyn Bridge, warming his hands over a flaming oil drum filled with dead cats and feces.

Keep buying the merchandise! I don't want to go back! I saw horrible things!

Invariably, people trying to eat things which they can’t – such as super-spicy chicken wings – ends in hilarity as they contort their faces.

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The Trippy Experience of Japanese Food

Japan exports a whole lot of weird stuff to the world. Sometimes it seems like they live in a parallel universe where everybody is on some sort of LSD or acid trip.

Case in point: the episode where The Simpsons went to Japan gave us this technicolor monstrosity:

We’re sorry you had to see that. However, it’s not just their cartoons and TV shows which seem to revel in inventing new colors that would never exist in nature: they like to package their food in it, too.

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10 Really Bad Brandings for Food

Branding a new product can be hard. You need to conduct extensive market research, make sure that it accurately represents the quality, cost and kind of food you’re aiming to promote, and that it doesn’t impinge on any existing trademarks. You also want to make sure that it sounds like a wholesome, family-friendly name. The sort of thing that moms are going to be willing to serve up to their children around the kitchen table.

That’s why we presume that people behind the branding of these ten food products got lazy or were on holiday in Boca Raton at the time.

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