You know, there are times when I love and bless America. Often, it’s when I’m feeling down and want to shovel a massive load of fat, sugar and salt into my mouth without a care for the consequences.
However, I should be thinking about the future. After all, there will be little starlets to look after in the future (providing that the fatty foods don’t render my sperm so weak that they couldn’t swim up against a wave machine in the local pool). I can’t be keeling over and dying of a heart attack aged thirty.
Which is precisely what I would be doing if I ate these five calorie laden dishes every day. Let this be a lesson, America: you should sometimes order the salad.
5. Dunkin’ Donuts Sausage, Supreme Omelet and Cheese on Bagel
Well I mean first off, this is four meals, not one. You get an omelet as a dish by itself. Sausage is often sufficient for someone to eat. Cheese is something my girlfriend considers her fourth meal of the day. A bagel is breakfast for many. Combining them all is overload in every sense of the word: 690 calories is a lot.
4. McDonald’s Triple Thick Shake (Chocolate Flavor)
So you’re getting a meal at McDonald’s. Fair enough. You know what’s going to happen. But you don’t expect the drink to have 27g of fat (that’s two cheeseburgers, natch) and 1,160 calories. To put that in perspective, starving African families survive on 1,160 calories between them.